Procrastinators Unite! (I want to do so much)….

..but I don’t have the motivation. Here I am, waiting on a pharmacy job. Great money, greater hours, close to home, etc. I had my interview last month. It went swimmingly. I interviewed with the Chief of Pharmacy. I was my usual charming self, but alas, was somewhat intimidated and tongue-tied. The Chief is a brilliant, formal lady, and I felt like a blithering fool. After, she shook my hand and shunted me off for a second interview with the Assistant Chief of Pharmacy. I had better luck with him (probably because he’s a man), he was very warm and made me feel quite comfortable. We talked about life, drugs, art. He seemed very interested in the fact that I do portraits on commission, and I had the fleeting thought that if I got the job, I might get a new commission, too. Nice! At the end, we shook hands and he said they’ll be contacting me…ehm…soon.

Now, this is a government job, so “soon” can mean anything from 2 weeks to 6 months. Oh, I’ve been replaying the damn interviews in my head, picking out all my missteps and bloopers and nervous moments.

I imagine the Chief, Assistant Chief, and the Pharmacy manager all sitting together at a table, giggling maniacally while they pepper my resume with big red X’s and a huge “REJECTED” stamp. *Groan*. I have nightmares about it. I worry about my dwindling checkbook. I dread the thought of having to start putting out apps again, selling myself to whomever will buy. Shit. It pisses me off. I shot off a follow-up e-mail to the Rx Manager, and he replied “please be patient with the process” *GAH* Now for SURE they won’t hire me because I’m impatient!!! *sob*.

Anyway…because of this, I feel as if I’m suspended..frozen. Like I can’t breathe until I find out if I’m accepted or rejected. These are the things I want to do, but am not motivated to start..or finish, for that matter:

1.) Paint my bulletin board frame black, and hang it up over my desk.

2.) Print out a particularly lovely little still life, frame it, and hang it in my bedroom.

3.) Piece some more blocks for my latest quilt:

4.) Finish up my 2 latest watercolors, one of Ixchel, the Mayan Goddess of the moon, and one of of a Koi fish in a pond. Here’s a link to my art blog and the aforementioned pieces. (edit..I finally colored my Koi fish!)

5.) Vacuum my bedroom.

6.) Wash my bathroom floor.

7.) Order my moleskine journals and my watercolor block. ( Can’t do that anyway, since I’m broke!)

8.) Answer assorted e-mails.

9.) Fold and put away my laundry.

10.) Think about the future.

Oh, I’ve done a few things..I washed and hung up my summer sheers in the bedroom…they look so nice & fresh…

I’ve cleaned my kitchen, finally…paid the bills…wrote a thank you note to my cousin, Luis…did my 3 blocks of exercise (8 minute abs, buns, and arms)..bought some healthy snacks (bananas, oranges, honeydew melon, raw almonds and yummy Haas avocados)..bought some not so healthy things like coffee, cream, sugar, a tiny package of vanilla sandwich cookies.. And….ok, I admit it..my LAST pack of cigarettes. Really. I swear. Mostly because I can’t afford them anymore..so these will be rationed. Hopefully.

So, all is not lost. Yet. Life will be a little brighter if I get the job. If I don’t? Hell..I don’t want to think about that right now.

As usual!